atefeh: (Default)
dear god. something good might be happening to me soon. please, let it happen. please.
atefeh: (Default)
I'm at my best friend Zee's house. I love just hanging out here cause she has a ton of candles and it always feels like it's Christmas when I visit. She's an inspiring writer who has a library that would make Princess Belle jealous.

I spent the day with my Mom since the both of us had today off. I had a ultrasound for my left breast, since I found two huge lumps couple of weeks ago. I knew they weren't cancerous since I've had them before and they were benign. It was still nice to have it confirmed. They told me to come back in six months to reevaluate the results so yay for not having breast cancer.

Dad's been getting crankier and crankier everyday since he found out he has cancer, but can you blame the guy? It still hurts a little thought. He seems to pick on everything I do and I can't do anything right by his standards. I can't even imagine being in his shoes though so I don't blame him much, really.

Other than that, nothing too exciting going on. Had a minor fight at work that I don't feel like going into detail about but I will say that I am proud of myself for not losing my shit and walking out. A lot has changed in a year. I used to take everything so personally. Now? I barely have any fucks to give.
atefeh: (Default)
atefeh: (Default)
Where do I even begin?

Monday night my dad fell ill. He has had several heart attacks for a decade now and last year he finally had major heart surgery. He has been doing well until this week. We thought it was another heart attack. By Thursday we found out it is colon cancer. As you can imagine, I am wrecked. Thank whoever is watching over me though cause it's stage 1 and curable. Still, he has to have chemotherapy and have major surgery down the road to remove it down the road. For now he's home, with me, and I love and take care of him more than ever. My dad is my hero and I don't know how I'd survive without him.

I'm kind of moving through my days in a haze but I have wonderful support and am thankful for them. I'm keeping myself busy with work but my anxiety is kind of eating me alive.

For now thought, I'm just happy my loved ones alive and with me.
atefeh: (Default)
I've been trying to write an entry for days now but one thing or another comes up and I forget. Baba is in the hospital right now. I will go into details later, but I'll be at the ICU with him all day tomorrow and don't know if I will have internet access. If not, I'll be gone till Sunday.
atefeh: (Default)
Why does it feel so good to cancel plans? I'm in a period of my life where I do not want to talk or hang out with anyone, especially people from work. I don't understand how many times I have to cancel for people to take a hint. I know, I should grow a pair and straight up tell them I do NOT want to hang out. Leave me be. But no, not if I want to maintain a healthy work relationship. Ever since I was released from Lake Side, I have wanted to crawl in a hole and disappear but instead I've been forced to be pulled in all different directions with people who are trying to "heal" my anxiety. I just want to be left alone.



atefeh: (Default)

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